Most of the disappointment, hurt and anger in this world comes from someone not meeting our expectations, either someone else's or our own. When our expectations are unrealistic, instead of inspiring greatness, they're more likely to foster disappointment and resentment. Low expectations can be a key to happiness.

We expect drivers to stop at red lights, coworkers to show up on time, friendships to be reciprocal, even life to be “just like the movies.” Our expectations are a product of our upbringing and the values we bring into a relationship — but believing others should treat us the way we treat them doesn't always hold. Expecting people to behave exactly as we want, and feeling angry and disappointed when they don't, is often really just “our way of doing things” mistaken for perfection.

We need to realise that our expectations cannot change people, however much effort, energy and heartburn we spend trying. If you have no expectations, you can never be disappointed.

Adjusting your expectations

• Communicate your expectations openly and honestly, at the right time — don't assume your partner is on the same page
• Tone down the word “should” to “I would prefer”
• Recognise the other person's limitations and possible different agenda
• Be tolerant of other people's views — hope for the best, but expect less
• Explore alternative ways to get your needs met, taking responsibility for them yourself
• Change your expectations by maintaining an accurate awareness of reality

There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations. Have hope rather than expectations, and you'll tend not to be disappointed. Go into situations with an open mind, and you'll fully immerse yourself without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.